On “Rude” by Magic!


*Sigh* Just when I thought pop music couldn’t be more immature.  Don’t get me wrong, whenever I hear this song, it’s catchy, it has a nice beat, and I get that, to an extent, it’s meant to come across as a “sweet” thing where “nothing will get in the way of our love” whatever… but no.

In the beginning of the song, and yes I’m pulling actual lyrics, he says “Knocked on your door with heart in my hand/ To ask you a question/ ‘Cause I know you’re an old-fashioned man.” So yes, he’s starting this marriage proposal thing out right, ya know, he knows her dad will want to be given the opportunity to give his blessing, whatever. Cool. So he goes and asks. So far so good, right?
BUT THEN DADDY SAYS NO. So what does he do? Say “Okay, I respect your decision, what can I do to prove to you that I am the right man for your daughter?” HA nope. That would be respectful and mature.


INSTEAD he decides to say (whether out loud or not, I don’t really think it matters), “Why you gotta be so rude?/ Don’t you know I’m human too?/ Why you gotta be so rude?/ I’m gonna marry her anyway.”


Yes. Because THAT’S definitely the way to win somebody’s respect. “Oh, you said no? Well fuck you, I’m gonna do it anyway because you’re a douche.” Right. No.


Now, I don’t really like the whole “asking for the girl’s hand in marriage” thing anyway, like, by the time someone proposes to a girl, she’s PROBABLY mature enough to make that decision for herself. My dad, as much as I love him, shouldn’t really get much of a say in whom I marry. I mean, if I were to get into a relationship with a complete piece of scum, I expect SOMEONE in my family to maybe say something (regardless of whether I listen. I’m hard-headed. And a strong, independent… erm… woman who don’t need no man). But ultimately, the marriage decision is mine and mine alone. I’m 21. I’m gonna make my own mistakes, regardless of whether my parents try not to let me. It’s gonna happen. Hopefully I don’t end up marrying the wrong man, but hey. Realistically, it’ll happen with or without my daddy’s blessing.

But anyway. Regardless of the bullshit that is asking a girl’s dad for her hand in marriage (in my opinion, of course), if you know her dad wants that, and you respect that wish, and he says no, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK GOING AGAINST HIS WISHES IS GOING TO HELP YOUR CAUSE?! Because I promise you, it won’t. And if she values her daddy’s opinion, as many girls do (myself included, even though I am defiant and convinced I know best sometimes), she’s not going to be thrilled when she finds out (and she will, I promise. Girls know everything. Also Daddy is liable to warn her about the incident.) that you KNEW her dad didn’t approve and you defied him anyway. That’s not how that tradition works. If you’re gonna do the traditional thing, respect the tradition. Don’t just go through the motions.


Why I’m More Pro-Choice After Having a Baby

As a woman who could have really nice life-threatening consequences to being pregnant, yes. Yes I am pro-choice.

The Slacktiverse

Trigger Warnings: Limits on reproductive choice, fatal birth defects, fetal distress / death, traumatic pregnancy and birth, post-partum depression

by Storiteller

Some pro-lifers like to claim that if pro-choicers ever got pregnant or had children, the very act of parenting would turn their hearts and help them understand the sacredness of life. Bullshit.

First, 60% of women who get abortions already have children. They are making the choice that will allow them to care for their existing children in the best possible manner.

Second, at least in my case, I found that getting pregnant and having a child actually motivated me to be more pro-choice than ever. Now that I’ve had first-hand experience of pregnancy, birth, and parenting, I understand the stakes much better. While I still believe that abortion is sometimes morally wrong, it is the least wrong of the limited options available in an inherently difficult…

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On The Need For Resistance

Women, LGBTQ+, minorities…. We must continue to force change. It isn’t going to change on its own. We have to make it change.

A Humanist's perspective

Generally and historically speaking, those who benefit from social injustice in this country have not been known to make the changes necessary in order to transition a morally deficient system or practice into that of fairness and equal rights, without being absolutely forced to do so.

Slavery in this country did not end due to the proactive remorse of those who were benefiting from the degradation and exploitation of their fellow being.

Slavery ended because those who were benefiting from a moral wrong were forced to do the right thing, and against their will at that.

Child labor in this country did not end due to the soft hearts of those who were working 9 and 10 year old children full 10 hours and more shifts for their own personal profit.

Child labor ended because those who were benefiting from an immoral wrong were forced to do the right thing…

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Kyriarchy: Why I am an Intersectional Feminist


The above website explains what Intersectional Feminism and Kyriarchy are.  But I’ll give a general gist here, with the caveat that the website above explains in much better detail.

Kyriarchy is the complex hierarchical system in which we live. It takes into account race, gender, sex, language, class, sexual orientation, (dis)ability, culture… etc.

Intersectional Feminism is concerned, not just with patriarchy, but with kyriarchy.


I am a woman, and thus disadvantaged as compared to a man. That is patriarchy.

However, I am also white, cisgendered, heterosexual, middle-class, English-speaking in a predominantly English-speaking country, physically non-disabled, of a culture which is not discriminated against in my country, etc. In all of these areas, I am quite privileged. I cannot pretend to know what it is like to be a Middle-Eastern, LGBTQ+, lower class, non-English-speaking, Muslim, disabled person in America right now. I don’t know anyone who fits that description either, but it has to be difficult. Now place that person in a country that doesn’t have the wealth or anti-discrimination laws that the United States has. Make that person a black Christian in China.  I can’t imagine how difficult and terrifying it must be for that person to get out of bed every morning.

That is kyriarchy.

That is why I am an intersectional feminist. That is why I feel that my country and my world will never truly be free until all subgroups of society are treated equally. That is why I believe in same-sex marriage and adoption and feminism and egalitarianism in general. Because white, cisgendered, heterosexual, upper class, English-speaking, non-disabled, non-Muslim men should not be the sole first-class group in the United States. They should be treated with respect, but so should I. So should the LGBTQ+ community. So should disabled people. So should non-English-speaking people. And so on.  I cannot claim to know what it is like to not be able to be legally married. I was born with the right to vote. I was born with the eventual right to marry the person I love, because I was born heterosexual and cisgendered. Not everyone was. And that is extremely unfair, and just because I can never know what it’s like doesn’t mean I can’t recognize the injustice. Just as white, cisgendered, heterosexual, English-speaking, non-disabled, etc. men can never know what it is like to be disadvantaged, but can still recognize the injustice and identify with intersectional feminism. And I, for one, really appreciate it when they have the bravery to do so publicly.  Because the more people in general who speak up in support of the movement, the more seriously we are likely to be taken.

Fuck Busy

This is beautiful.

The Belle Jar

Late last night I was cruising around on Pinterest because hey I’m a boring 30-something mom and that’s what I do when I can’t sleep. Which, by the way, is every night, meaning that I’ve developed a bit of a Pinterest habit, among other things (my  insomnia-beating arsenal includes such soothing activities as: watching documentaries about the Chernobyl “liquidators,” hate-reading the blogs of conservative white dudes, and sending slightly incoherent late-night messages to my friends and acquaintances). Anyway, I was happily scrolling through pictures of pretty landscapes tragically marred by trite sayings (example: a gorgeous mountain at sunset with DON’T GIVE UP, THE BEST IS YET TO COME scrawled across it in white letters) when I came across this:


I had one of those moments where I was like, “oh.” And then I was like, “yes.” And then I had this huge mishmash of complicated feelings that I’ve been trying…

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